Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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