Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
