he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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