Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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