so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize