Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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