Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
