My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
