Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
