I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
