I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
