So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
