thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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