Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
