We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The air taste purple.
Randomize
