mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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