I could have mohawked her pubes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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