So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
