i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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