Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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