she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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