frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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