just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
