i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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