Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
