woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
