Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I bet he comes in French.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
