I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
