nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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