That reminds me...we need to get swords
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
