You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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