So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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