Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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