Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
