Fuck appropriateness.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
