you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
