ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
