I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
