debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize