so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
