There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
