rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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