Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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