Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
