I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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