i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize