I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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