He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
