I cockslap morals
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize