please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize