I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hippo gnu deer
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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