What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
