she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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