dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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