good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
