i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
