You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You have to summon your inner elephant
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
