Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When are your genitals available?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
