Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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